on being a martha...

In the midst of the end-of-the-school year (yes, my kids are still in school!) chaos, I have found that there is somehow a little space in my brain to contemplate my role as a "Martha."  After an amazing series at church on spiritual gifts, and many contemplative conversations ensuing from these sermons, I feel like I may have just gotten a little more comfortable in my own skin. That is a deep desire of my heart - a longing to embrace my giftings and the parts of me that make me ME.   I want to love how He created me, and not think that I somehow would do it differently/better/otherwise.

Back to Martha... she totally gets a bad rap.  We need Marthas - they keep things moving.  As my wise husband pointed out, the trouble with Martha was not that she was a doer, but that she was so concerned about what other people were doing, or rather NOT doing.  I was wired to be busy, to get things done, to organize, administrate, and problem-solve.  I don't rest well. I don't sit idle well.  I don't know how to be bored.  (I definitely don't remember the last time I was bored - though I could blame that on a certain 4 little people.)  Regardless, as I continue to grow into who I am, I find myself sometimes feeling bad because I often don't feel like I have the "right" thing to say.  However, I am very comfortable in finding the right thing to DO.  And I am realizing that this is a gift.  Thoughtfulness in me looks differently than it does in other people.  My care and empathy may have a different skin than the merciful saint walking next to me. And perhaps that is by divine design.

These past couple of weeks have allowed me some sweet opportunities to serve people - whether they are in seasons of rest, mess, or healing.  I can offer my gifts of making order out of chaos, or bringing beauty into the mundane.  But because I am so harshly critical of myself, I can feel guilty for the things that I cannot do - the words of comfort that don't come easily to me, or even the feelings of empathy that I sometimes feel like I lack.  I can pray, and I can do.  And I am processing through the feelings that it can be a good thing to be built this way.  I will continue to ask for God's heart for people to shape my own.  I want to love like He does, and like He calls me to.  In chewing on this, I want to tear down the box I build around what "caring" looks like. As I try to teach my children, I must do all things as unto the Lord. I have a set of gifts and talents that I can offer to those around me, and I need to value that which makes me unique.  

Photo by Mikala Carver