long-term parenting

I am so thankful for small glimpses of clarity in the nitty-gritty of this season.  I've heard these years referred to as "the tired years." Isn't that the truth?  Perhaps these small moments of clarity mean a lot to me, because I too often exist in a fog of lists, to-dos, and a never-ending requests. Last week I made lists of lists.  Literally. All that to say, it recently hit me:  I am working this hard to raise loving, caring, responsible, God-fearing ADULTS, and not perfectly behaved robots, er... I mean children.  Sometimes I can get caught up on the bad behaviors, the repeated offenses, and minimize the fact that the more important part of my role is to shepherd their hearts.  Not to say that we don't need to address and discipline bad behaviors - that part actually comes easily to me.  They need to learn the concept of consequences.  That is a life skill, and will evolve into becoming those above-mentioned adults. 

I strive to be a mom that is not embarrassed by their bad choices, but instead is open to the opportunity to address the deeper issues.  I have found myself really loving the "aftermath" of discipline - the time when I deliberately clear the room of other people, and take the time to connect with them.  There is a vulnerability that is very precious, and sometimes hard to find in the daily routine.  I share my heart, my past (or present) mistakes, how I can relate to their wrong decision.  We try to always pray together, asking for help to do what we know we should.  (Romans 7:15)

I don't excuse bad choices.  I don't tolerate tantrums or manipulation.  Those things are dangerous and I believe plant deep seeds of entitlement and dishonesty.   I have high expectations of my kids, and I am a firm believer that they will rise to those expectations.  I'm afraid that when the bar is set too low, the reverse happens.   I also recognize the fact that in those high expectations, there must be room for grace abounding, and the acceptance that we all fail and sin.  I realize that there are challenges to a high bar-setting.  I don't want to raise performance-driven affirmation mongers. I need to balance that with daily encouragement and affection.

me and my boy, time flies...

There is also the challenge of choosing not to allow what other families might - and my response is  "This is what works for our family, and we do not make choices for others."  I must be willing to be thought of as mean, or strict, or unreasonable.  At the end of the day - I am responsible for who I help shape them to be.  Dave and I are on our knees regularly, asking for guidance and insight into each of their complicated little hearts.  I cannot do this without God's help, nor do I want to.  

I like the mom that I am.  I really do.  And that is hard for me to say.  (see previous post regarding how hard I am on myself).  But I love my role as a mom, just as much as I always thought I would.  It is 1000 times harder - nothing can prepare you for this journey.  Nothing.  But, I love it and while CHILDHOOD is short, MOTHERHOOD is forever.  

Isn't that the best??