tough and tender

While doing a little household "upkeep" today, I suddenly was struck by the name of my favorite countertop cleaner - Tough and Tender.  It hit me - THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO BE AS A MOM.  The tough - that which adds a standard of behavior, expectation, and holiness for how we all behave.  The tender - that which would break in me when these little ones hurt, need or are simply in want of a loving touch.  I know it is easier for me to err on the tough side... but God is working in me lately to recognize my lack of empathy and my need for grace that comes only through Him.  I want to be someone that is a living testimony for being kind-hearted and loving.  Especially to these 4 in my care.
I was talking to a friend today and reminding myself to continually ask the question: "at the end of my days, what will I look back on and wish I had done more of?"  Will it be extending a tender touch to my kids (while they still let me!), or being a task-master?  Will it be worrying about a *few extra* pounds here and there, or the memory of taking my kids out for an after school treat?  Will it be keeping a clean house, or setting a tone of playfulness?  Will it be stopping dinner to have a meaningful conversation about 4th grade angst, or making sure that dinner is served at the expected time?  
I have mentioned her before, and I'm sure I will again - sometimes I stop and try to look at life through my 82-year old neighbor.  She is never too busy for us.  I said this morning, "I wonder if she ever looks back and thinks about the silly ways she worried about the temporary instead of enjoying life in the moment?"  I want to live and walk full of joy for what I am given today.  This week, our nation had a strong reminder of how fleeting life can be.  I want to make the most of all my days - even the mundane ones of potty training and chores.  
There is a place of balance that I yearn for, the reality is that often times the moment we find balance, the variables shift and we can seem to be scrambling to get it all settled again.  And that is ok.  That is my life of chaos - the beautiful mess of our home.  I want to make messes, surrounded in laughter.  I want to give my kids good memories of a spontaneous mom who said YES (sometimes!) to the after school pleas for slurpees and yogurtland.  And I want to do it all in the context of who I was created to be - someone who thrives in order and planning, who loves to see what is coming and tackle it as early as possible.  I was designed by my Creator to be this way - and I embrace it.  I also realize that in the quest for a  balanced and simplified life, I need to let loose sometimes - go to bed with a messy house, leave the laundry for tomorrow, and enjoy this season.  Before I know it, it will be gone.